baby's first meme

This has been in my drafts folder for so long that a) I forgot it was sitting there in all its half written glory, and b) where I found it in the first place.

3 Things That Scare Daniel

• The vacuum cleaner. After the old one died a few weeks ago, I bought a new vaccuum cleaner that has so much suck, it threatens to rip the lino of its hinges. I don't hate this one with the thousand suns that fueled the hate of my old one, not for the suck factor, probably because it's called a 'Hygiene' and I'm a sucker for snappy marketing, and mostly because unlike its crappy predecessor, this one isn't crammed inconveniently in a cupboard and is stored in an easily accessible alcove, so I don't hate having to contort time, space and myself in order to get to it. Lesson learned? It's all about location, location, location. Anyhoo, Daniel was scared of the old vacuum cleaner, but since it so rarely saw the light of day, the fear factor was effectively nil. These days the kid is frequently challenging his vacuumophobia, so I'm frequently seen with him on my hip and clinging to me much like a barnacle does to a whale.

• His new toy. It's an electronic ball thingy that plays tunes and makes car, plane or train noises, depending on which button you press. It also has some inner doohickey that makes the ball roll around on its own in a rather possessed fashion. It's hella loud, and as it scares my little boppy, it's been retired to places unknown til he's old enough to kick its haunted electronic arse.

• Global warming.
  

3 People Who Make Him Laugh:

• Me, duh.

• Everybody.
  

• That guy who works in the cold produce section at the supermarket. I carry Daniel in a back pack most of the time, and when Daniel sees John, he leans right over and squeals until I've transported him over to apparently the funniest man on earth, so he can gaze adoringly into his face and giggle like a little lunatic. John, by the way, doesn't actually do anything except, you know, breathe, which is hilarious, apparently.
  

3 Things He Loves:

• The electric toothbrush. Whenever I used it, Grabby McFeelyhands was all over me, so I gave it to him one day and oh, the joy! Now he has his own toothbrush so I give it to him every day after I'm done with my ablutions, and he chews on its vibratey goodness until I get sick of it and take it away from him. LOVE, I tell you.

• Watching the bath tub fill. He props himself up on the side of the tub and dances around on his tippy toes. His naked little bottom looks especially cute in these surroundings, by the way, and he especially loves being able to play with the spray thingy that the water comes out of, but that's for supervised play only because I'm not insane.
  

• The bedroom. Left to his own devices, he'll high velocity crawl in there and rush up to the bed so he can bury his face in the edge of the quilt. My bed is really low on the ground so he also crawls onto it so he can, in between throwing himself face first into the pillows, roll around with his legs in the air.
  

3 Things He Hates:

• Having his nose wiped. You'd think I was trying to steal his brain or something. Good grief.

• Being refused a breast feed, right now, in the middle of the shopping mall, ferpetesake.

• The brand spanking new backyard lawn. That's right, the one that cost me - or rather, cost Mr Visa - over a thousand freakin' dollars.

3 Things He Doesn't Understand:

• English

• Why everybody loves Raymond
  

• Quantum physics
  

3 Things On His Changing Table:

• The blue teddy bear his father sent on my birthday, with a card congratulating me on the birth of his son. I leaved it on the change table in case Daniel needs something for target practice when he pees.

• A tub of organic, biodegradable baby wipes, because they're biodegradable, baby. Mostly I use clean water and soft cotton wash cloths, the wipes are for the kind of poop that clings to rather than peels off his bottom.

• An interesting smelling concoction of cod liver oil and zinc oxide in a medicinal looking plastic container that is responsible for the aforementioned peeling effect.
  

3 Things He's Doing Right Now:

• sleeping
  

• breathing, hopefully
  

• sleep crawling and bonking his head on the cot rails.
  

3 Things He Can Do:

• Eat. Good lord, can he eat.

• Climb on and fall off the bed without killing himself.
  

• Take apart the printer and remove the ink cartridges.

3 Ways to Describe His Personality:

• Daniel is very friendly and not at all shy. When he meets people, new or otherwise, he will totally look them right in the eye and smile his gapey, open mouth smile at them in delight. He does do the flirty hide-my-face-in-mamma's-neck-aw-I'm-shy routine, but it's a big ol' lie because then he'll turn around and blast them with his thousand watt smile.

• Like most babies, he's curious, but he seems to want to understand things, so it's almost like living with a teeny, weenie engineer. He inspects his toys more than he looks at them, turning them around and looking at them from all angles, almost as if he's mentally taking them apart and rebuilding them to make them New and Improved. He also loves getting into boxes and cupboards and bags and ripping everything out and strewing them all over the floor so that he can see what else is in the whatever it is that he's emptying.

• He's also very easy going. If he's been adequately fed and watered, nothing really bothers him. They say that it's the bright babies that are high maintenance, and if that's the case then Daniel has the IQ of houseplant. He's so bright and inquisitive and engaged though, that I think he's the exception to that particular rule.
  

3 Things He Can't Do (yet):

• Walk

• Talk

• Drive home when I'm too drunk.
  

3 Absolute Favorite Foods:

Daniel has a fliptop head and food just gets poured with no more feedback than a hearty belch, so it';s hard to know what he actually likes versus what he'll eat. He does like scrambled egg yolks though, and teething rusks, and pretty much anything I'm eating is a favorite that he just can't miss out on.

3 Things He'd Like to Learn:

• He'd love to know how to stop me from putting everything out of his reach.

• He'd also like to know how take apart the printer with no intervention from his ma.

• And I might be wrong, but I'm sure he'd love to learn how to manufacture a purpose built boob of his own that he can whip out whenever he darn well feels like it.

3 Beverages He Drinks Regularly:

• breastmilk

• water

• tequila