Monday, April 24, 2006

word cloud

my word cloud

left quoteA word cloud is a visual depiction of content (words) used in a body of text. The word clouds we use at are arranged alphabetically and depict more frequently used words in progressively larger fonts.

The Authors line uses classic literary and historical texts to make word clouds. Click on Authors to see what/who we are currently featuring.

The Custom line uses your own personal website to make word clouds. For Custom word clouds, our software analyzes your weblog and presents some of your most frequently used words. You can edit this list as much or as little as you like, it's completely customizable. If you have a weblog, click on Custom and give it a try.right quote

With more frequently used words depicted in progressively larger fonts, it's hardly surprising that until I edited my damn cloud, the biggest, boldest and brightest words on it were the s word, the f word and the other f word.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

add one year

april 23


Friday, April 21, 2006

four months etc

Daniel turned four months old on the twelfth, so what was that? Last Tuesday or Wednesday or something? and while I probably shouldn've written some kind of Dear baby, Love mama milestone-esque entry here, I didn't, probably because I was distracted by the personality my kid seemingly developed over night. Couple that with the extraordinary amount of time it takes to dress him these days, it's only due the xanax I fed him a few minutes ago that I have the time to write this today.

Re the dressing: There's no way dude has only two arms and two legs, because that's not what I'm seeing when I try to shove all seventy eight of them in to only two each of sleeves and pants legs. Usually I have them the right way round, ie arms in sleeves, legs in pants, so ill fitting clothes aren't the issue. It's the many tentacled, octopus like quality Daniel has developed that is. And he's strong. And he's also realised that not only does the world impact on him, he can impact on the world. I guess they call that 'free will', and I guess it'll cause me no end of grief at various points in our lives, but for now, it's exciting to see that Daniel make that impact, even if it means I have to hold him down with my foot as I wrestle his squirmy, multi-limbed self into a playsuit.

re the dressing, part deux: the nappy change. Oh. My. Goodness. That's the best game of all, in his opinion. The instant his pants are off, Daniel's legs are in the air. Two days ago, with legs in the air and while stretching himself out of all possiblity of being reclad in absorbant underclothes, Daniel discovered his feet for the very first time. More specifically, he discovered his toes, handfuls of them. He was so excited by his latest discovery that he stretched his legs to celebrate. Obviously, this caused him to lose his grip, leaving him befuddled and frustrated as he could still see the toes, but he couldn't reach those pesky little critters anymore. His excitement of this new digit awareness rapidly deflating, his legs relaxed which put his toes within reach again, so he grabbed them, got excited, straightened his legs, lost his grip, found them again, got excited, lost his grip...lather rinse repeat. For quite some time actually.

I told you that he learned how to roll last week, yes? That's been going well, and is his latest trick. Of course things will improve once he learns how to roll back again as so far, he rolls onto his tummy, spends some quality time with his arm jammed at a weird angle under his body, then squeals in frustration at being bound in this straight jacket of his own making, so once he's tried for long enough to right himself, I tip him back so he can roll over onto his tummy again and continue the process. Thing is, I think he's completed the 360 degree roll already, but like that frog in the Looney Tunes cartoon who sang opera only while unobserved, Daniel reserves his feats of might and daring to when there's no real audience. I don't know what he does while my back is turned, as he leaves no evidence of what he's been up to. His crafty plan to send me loopy was foiled last Sunday though (da dum). Our family was gathering at my brother's house for dinner, which is an aside actually, and as I'm such an organised mofo, we were already running crazy late by the time we'd had our afternoon walk, so I threw Daniel in the bath to rekindle his baby smell then left him lying on his back a towel on his play mat for some quality toy time. I popped in to check on him every few milliseconds as I ran riot through the house, organising our collective shit and getting ready for an evening out. At mid pop, the dude was was lying on his back, on his towel, on his playmat. I left him alone for ooh, thirty seconds? and by the time I got back to the room, Daniel was at least three feet from where I'd left him, on his stomach, away from his play mat and with the towel still under him, and judging by the confused expression on his face, the lad clearly had no idea how he'd got from point A to point B.

unassisted manouevre
photographic evidence of the actual event


In other news - and don't ask me how I managed to do it - I hit myself in the eyeball (yes, eyeball) yesterday, at force and with the edge of a laminated A4 piece of paper.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

squishingly cute

dude hat dude

Friday, April 14, 2006

bzzzapp, etc

A quick note to let the internet known that I'm alive (which isn't as redundant a statement as you may think, considering the shock I received this morning while steam cleaning my way around a powerpoint (not the microsoft kind, the connected to mains electricity variety, the one with one thousand million jillion volts of stuff that can, like, kill you). It rocked my world and reminded me to call a damn electrician and get a stupid circuit breaker installed.

In other news, yesterday, at four months and one day old, Mr Deebs performed his first and second (the second confirming that the first was not a tactical errior and was indeed a planned manouevre)(superfluous waffle much?) flippidy do.

a pre-enactment of the actual event.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

bite me

I've had a fucking toothache since last Friday..although the story actually commenced last November when I got a tooth crowned and the crown sucked in a really major way. I reported said suckiness to my dentist and he said that if the tooth didn't settle down in time, I may need a root canal as the nerve is irriatated bla bla bla. Now, if I'd bought a pair of jeans and one leg was too short, I wouldn't be expected to get used to it as time went by, nor would an offer of taking the jeans in at the waist to compensate for the short leg be an acceptable solution. I'd expect the dodgy jeans be exchanged for a new pair, so suggesting a root canal when my tooth began hurting only after it was crowned makes as much sense to me as needless alterations on a wonky legged pair of jeans does. I don't want a root canal, I want my figurative new pair of jeans. I explained this to my dentist, and I either confused the crap out of him or he's been inhaling his own nitrous oxide because homeboy agreed with my questionable logic and decided to replace my sucky crown with one that doesn't. Suck, that is. Additionally, as my insurance will only pay for one crown per year, this is the year and I'm getting another tooth crowned, so the bejeezus has been cut out of the broken tooth next door to the tooth which has had the sucky crown removed, in preparation for its new crown, and both teeth have been graced with a temporary crown that, like its predecessor, sucks mightily. Hmm. Seems I've flogged this story to death, when all I intended to report was that I have a toothache so don't mess with me because if you do, I'd either kick you in the nuts or cry because my face hurts, waah, and as I don't like crying in public, your nuts are shit out of luck when it comes to having a nice day. Capiche? and that I'm seeing the dentist again today to see if he can make this temporary crown not hurt like a motherfucker.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

another interesting idea

from mihow

Spread Reading...

left quote Hi,

Do you like reading, and talking about books? Do you like surprises?

We like both. Spread is our version of a book club. Each month, we will choose a few members at random and buy them a book. They can come back here, and discuss the book. The only thing we ask is that when they are finished with the book they pass it on to another person. It's like a book club without the deadlines or cookies or weekly meetings.

Of course, you don't have to wait for us to send you something to read. You can start discussions about any book, genre, author, topic, new item... You can suggest books for others, or contribute copies and have us send them out to folks.

It's all about being bookish and social at the same time - and encouraging others to do the same.

right quote

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

and I wrote that without looking.

Small victories folks, small victories.

In other news, I've had three calls today from three different gyms. One was a gym I was supposed to interview with last week, but being one to leave a totally bitchen first impression, I phoned fifteen minutes after I was supposed to be there to let them know I couldn't make it because I had a migraine. Which is why it was good that they called again today, needing an aqua class filled on Thursday morning. The other phone call was for a twenty hour a week position in a gym on the other side of town. Beth is going to call me back after she's conferred with the manager about whether or not a single mother is appropriate to their needs. Apparently though, I was the only one she talked to who didn't turn up her nose at their policy of being trained in their admin practices before being put on the gym floor. I like the idea, maybe because I'm not twenty one and brandishing my PT qualification like it's so special that I should be running then joint, not demeaning myself doing what the boss pays me to do. Yes, there was some subtle social commentary in that last statement because fuck me, my generation is raising a bunch of idiots, thankyou. Anyway, she was pretty fucking happy when I told her that before personal training, my background is in sales and marketing, and I could practically hear her executing the mexican wave when I told her I can type the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog without looking. Which I didn't do that time but, whatever. They're also looking for their personal trainers to rent space, and obviously working in a gym, one can (theoretically at least) drum up clients to utilise and pay for that space, so while I don't really want to spend twenty hours each week away from The Midget, sitting on my ever expanding arse sure as shit ain't paying the bills. Then my usual gym needed a class filled on Thursday morning which - too late! My queenly presence is required elsewhere.

About that migraine. It probably wasn't a migraine but, whatever. It still hurt like a motherfucker. Daniel was a real champion throughout the ordeal, insisting that I not disturb myself for over ten (!) hours to change his absorbant undergarments. He also valiently declined to leak wee outside the double edged elastic legs and all over the bed, where he lay peacefully beside me for the duration.

the ultimate decorating item
a re-enactment of the actual event

Now, let's talk about the word for today, which is:


mas·ti·tis, noun.

Inflammation of the breast or udder.

So not only have my norks, boobs or ta-tas become very pedestrian breasts, they've also been lumped together with the multi nippled, dangly underthings on a cow.


Finally, deebs was lying in my lap as I bastardised this new keyboard, and he's now flat on his back on the floor, banging his head with the rattle he can now hold in his fist.

head bangin'
not pictured: the subsequent plugging of his pie hole with the thumb of his underutilised other hand, proving that indeed, the boy can multitask.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

this evening's riveting news

On this day last year, I had sex and it led to Daniel's conception.


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